Tough Run

A few days out from the gym and my running is off. My pace is over 9 minute miles, I am not yet at 5K but more importantly, it just seems hard.

Work is a worry yet again. I know this happens all the Ted for me but I have yet to get over the feeling of feeling like a loser when this happens.

The bills get paid by dipping into savings and retirement is a fantasy. I will work until I die.

How depressing!

Back at it

I'm struggling at work.

I'm working had and close to closing things but stuff keeps blowing up at the end.

I had someone interview Friday and he did well. They email me an application he filled out online (but never acted on) and want to take the applicant and about 33000 from me.

My best client!

This is not a client at this point. I know the folks in HR but their commanders are squeezing them to do more with less and apparently stealing from recruiters may be part of the new mandate.

I want to eat something and I won't. Food won't take away the hurt.

And it tells me I need a new client.

Waiting

Did I give them the right directions.

Where are they?

Will they ring the bell and wake everyone?

I get anxious about so many things and doing everything right.

I Can't Stand It Sometimes

There are morning where nothing seems to work.

I just blew up at my kid. Normally, he doesn't do what we ask him to do the first five times we do tell him to do something. I HATE IT.

Today, he's out in my overcoat and his new tall hat (I don't know what to call it; he looks like Scrooge . . . that kind of hat).

"Hang up my coat and come have breakfast. We need to leave in 20 minutes."

"In a minute," and he goes outside.

Knock on the door.

"It's open."

Again, a knock, but louder.

"Come in, it's open."

Ignored until I open for him.

Have your breakfast and you have to brush your teeth and get ready. We have to leave soon."

"In a minute."

I can't stand it.

He walked around for a while and went outside. We have 10 minutes until we have to leave.

Again a knock on the door.

I yell angrily, "OPEN THE DOOR," as he walks in.

Now he's angry.

"Don't ever yell at me."

"Can't you understand that I get frustrated asking you to do something five or six times before you do it? Can't you understand?"

And then my wife reminds me that I need to manage my emotions better and that a kid just shot people in Connecticut . . .yadda yadda yadda.

I can't hear it. I am angry and frustrated with my son who never, I repeat never does anything we want him to do the first time. And all the effort I put in in so many directions is eating me up. There are times I can't manage how I feel. I have spent weeks with him never getting out of bed and going to school easily. It is always rolling over for another 20 or 40 minutes so we race like maniacs to get him there.

Try to get him to do homework is a battle . . . .every night.

I can't stand it.

Score A Point for the Good Guys

After lunch yesterday, I made it through the rest of the day well. I didn't eat more than my prescribed calories and that included a dark chocolate covered coconut ball. A little too sweet but a nice little treat.

We went to see "A Christmas Carol" last night after battling with our son to do homework. A nice little production but it pisses me off when he doesn't do what he's supposed to do easily. I gotta get used to it . . . he's almost 12 and that's what I have in store for a few years.

And this morning's 5K run at the gym was a new personal best (for this cycle of training) of 27.34 and 8:52 pace and 6 seconds off my previous best time. Tomorrow, I'll go a little easier and Sunday, I'll take off.

I also saved a deal yesterday . . . the guy's firm made it hard to have his visa transferred and it was slowing down my client and pissed them off that he only brought up the issue at the last minute. Cooler heads prevailed and he's till joining. I deserve the fee and on to the next one.

Today, my son's class is having a party at lunch to celebrate the completion of a study cycle on fungi so I'll go to his school for lunch at noon, admire the presentations, eat and head back for an afternoon of work.

I have an other offer top try closing but don't think the guy will accept . . . so it goes sometimes. I only spent a year working on this.

Smart

I took a break at lunch and sat watching sports instead of eating and working.

Smart

I Can't Believe How Tense I AM!

I feel so much stress.

I'm trying to reach someone who has a job offer who probably won't take it. He hasn't called back yet.

I have so many new jobs to work on, to post on my website, people to reach out to.

Breathe.