Waiting

Did I give them the right directions.

Where are they?

Will they ring the bell and wake everyone?

I get anxious about so many things and doing everything right.

I Screwed Up

For the past month, I disappeared . . . not blogging and not losing weight. I've been pretty good but Thanksgiving and my birthday celebration and a hole lot of other excuses have left me yo-yo-ing within 3 pounds of my bottom weight.

My running has been good. I now do a long run of 3.3 miles and a typical run is a 5K (3.11 miles). Today, I did my 5K in 27 minutes 40 seconds, a personal best for me.

Yet the real thing is that I have been sloppy about recording what I eat. I start the day off well, continue on through lunch but rarely finish what I start.

Well maybe the real thing has been how anxious I have been at work about a number of deals that have gone south. I came so close to having a blowout period but nothing worked. That left me frustrated and eating.

It's hard for me to see $55000 evaporate so quickly.

Chugging Along

My work day has been chugging along. I am methodically doing what I do and getting things done, slowly, steadily moving forwards. I am very close to several hires and that will help me sleep easier for the rest of the calendar year. Financially, I feel tight with a modest amount for cash for me, plenty of assets but I hate having to sell something to deal with current expenses.

I realize I am always calculating . . . figuring things out . . . scanning situations to see everything going on around me. This attention to detail is hard to maintain. I know it complements that part of me that worries constantly and when I worry, I need to "decompress" or relax.

All I seem to be doing is working and worrying. I'm worrying about my wife's asthma and whether it will eventually choke her to death. I worry about then raising our son well and having him resent me.

Breathe.