I'M MAD!!

My wife is having dental problems and needs to have a bridge worked on that seems to her to be loose. My son won't hear that today is not the day to look at riding his bike 8 miles to school and back. That's it's too much for her to deal with.

"Mom is saying that she is having a dental problem and doesn't want to deal with this now. You're being an idiot."

He puts his hands over his ears; she walks out in a huff."

I'm the bad guy . . .again.

I'm frustrated that everything with him is a negotiation and that he won't do anything we ask just because we ask him OR tell him to do it.

I want to just eat myself into oblivion today because I am mad and can tune out by eating.

I don't have access to my office because the storm has cut off power o my office in New York, I'm going to probably have to spend a few thousand dollars for dental work for her, my work is straight commission and had  few hires close to closing when the storm hit . . . now, I don't know if they will ever happen.

I just want things to go smoothly but they aren't and I want to cry.

I try so hard and am so frustrated . . . and that is often when I comfort myself with eating. But I weighted in at 225.2 this morning, down 8.8 pounds from when I started and I don't want to blow the effort I have put into losing weight because I am angry and hurt.

Worries and Action

The storm is affecting us, too, even though we are no where near the Northeast.

Work was slow today. Part me. Part that the weather is such a big deal.
As I key this in, I Am getting mad because my son ignores what my wife and I say.

I'm MAD!

I was up late last night watching the fraud that was called a Presidential debate. Up early this morning and went to the gym; it was going to be a walking day today any way aftera  hard run yesterday.

After 7, I woke my son. 

"Why did you wake me at 7?" 

"I do that every morning."

"I'm supposed to be awakened at 7:15."

"Set your alarm then and I won't be going in to wake you."

He eventually came out and started doing Taekwondo kicks in the living room."

"I have a busy morning this morning. Please feed your pet before you go to school."

"I DON'T WANT TO DO IT NOW, OK!"

"I didn't ask you to feed it now; I asked about doing it before school."

I took out the garbage and put out the cans for them to be emptied. My sneakers got wet so I changed them when I came back in. As I was lacing them up, he starts doing kicks in my face; they are arriving about a foot from my face. He does it three times.

"Please don't do that."

"It wasn't like I was going to hit you."

"I don't care. Don't do that."

My wife asks him what his instructors would say that if he did that in front of them; of course he tries to rationalize it.

Finally, as I ate breakfast, he came out and put a wig on my head as I was eating. I was in now mood.

"Not now."

My wife explains that he's trying to make contact with me. I don't want contact right now. I want to be left alone. "Is there something wrong with one of the deals?" "No. I just have something rumbling in my mind."

She says, "Make the time for the 15 minutes in the morning."

"I can't hear this right now," and leave for my office.

I need to lose this feeling of anger. I'm mad at being spoken to disrespectfully and being acted with disrespectfully.

Maybe a few minutes of meditation; maybe a short nap. I have a lot to do this morning and it will have to wait.

I Hate People Sometimes

Sometimes, I hate the people who come to me looking for work.

For example, someone emailed their resume to me for a job & I spoke with them about  the position.

He told me the salary he would work for to do the job.

"Great! I'll get back to you."

I call him back.

"They would like to speak with you. It is Blah Blah Corporation."

"I'll only work for them as a consultant at $100 p/h."

Why didn't you tell me that before?

"Why is that?"

"I'll only work for them for $100 p/h."

"Have a nice day."

So I notice my anger rising and I want to walk to the refrigerator and eat something. I want to ring this person's neck. It's the part of my work I truly dislike . . . the insanity of human beings.

So I won't go to the refrigerator except to get a glass of water. I will feel angry and not take it out on myself for being fooled by a candidate again. I won't eat myself into gaining weight because someone is just cruel and deceptive.