A Good Start. A Bad Start.

I woke this morning with my left ankle feeling a  little tender. I dressed for the gym and rotated it 10 times in each direction and did the same with my other ankle. They are both tender in the mornings when I wake but I still try getting to the gym. I figure at least I will walk for a half hour instead of run.

But when I got there, despite being hobbled a bit, as soon as I got on the treadmill and started running, it loosened up. I start at 6 miles per hour. At the 3:30 mark I sprint for 30 seconds at .8 (8 tenths) faster and then I reduce the speed by .7 (7 tenths). I repeat this every 4 minutes. It teaches my body to run faster and helps me loosen up. The last minute is a 1 minute sprint at 8 tenths of a mile faster than my last speed.

I did 25 minutes today and then walked for five; I stretched afterward and then did a few of the machines.

That was the good.

I weighed myself and since starting 3 less than 3 weeks ago, I down almost 10 pounds (9.8 to be exact)

The bad happened not too long after we got back from the gym when my wife's bridge fell out while using a Waterpik. It is something she has feared for so long and now it happened. She is at the dentist hoping they can reattach it until she sees a specialist Monday (Just got a call from her and it has been re-attached).

I care about her so much and it was so sad when she walked out saying that it had come out. She handled it well and so did our son, getting dressed, having breakfast, brushing his teeth all without extended effort.

6 Hours of Sleep

A good workout at the gym plus 6 hours of sleep. I like when my wife comes with me so that we have a few minutes to talk without interruption. I have a busy day ahead--my radio show at 9 am, reference checks and resumes to read.

But the day starts best with a run.

I'm MAD!

I was up late last night watching the fraud that was called a Presidential debate. Up early this morning and went to the gym; it was going to be a walking day today any way aftera  hard run yesterday.

After 7, I woke my son. 

"Why did you wake me at 7?" 

"I do that every morning."

"I'm supposed to be awakened at 7:15."

"Set your alarm then and I won't be going in to wake you."

He eventually came out and started doing Taekwondo kicks in the living room."

"I have a busy morning this morning. Please feed your pet before you go to school."

"I DON'T WANT TO DO IT NOW, OK!"

"I didn't ask you to feed it now; I asked about doing it before school."

I took out the garbage and put out the cans for them to be emptied. My sneakers got wet so I changed them when I came back in. As I was lacing them up, he starts doing kicks in my face; they are arriving about a foot from my face. He does it three times.

"Please don't do that."

"It wasn't like I was going to hit you."

"I don't care. Don't do that."

My wife asks him what his instructors would say that if he did that in front of them; of course he tries to rationalize it.

Finally, as I ate breakfast, he came out and put a wig on my head as I was eating. I was in now mood.

"Not now."

My wife explains that he's trying to make contact with me. I don't want contact right now. I want to be left alone. "Is there something wrong with one of the deals?" "No. I just have something rumbling in my mind."

She says, "Make the time for the 15 minutes in the morning."

"I can't hear this right now," and leave for my office.

I need to lose this feeling of anger. I'm mad at being spoken to disrespectfully and being acted with disrespectfully.

Maybe a few minutes of meditation; maybe a short nap. I have a lot to do this morning and it will have to wait.

Starting The Day

I was up at about 4 AM today and spent some time online doing some work for my Internet business and 5:30 I was at the gym and ran 2.65 miles in 25 minutes (a 9.26 pace). I drove home, showered, weighed myself (228 on the button after doing the run; down 3 pounds) and dressed, woke Jack and had breakfast (an apple and two pancakes), recorded my jobs audio for the day.

Went upstairs, emptied and loaded the dishwasher, watered the peace lily and am back at my desk. I am noticing a twinge in my stomach, not hunger but feeling a little anxious about all the stuff I have to do today.

Breathe deeply twice.

Good morning!

I overslept the gym this morning but even after a large dinner lost .4 pound. Today will be a good test for managing my anxiety into weight loss. My family is home plus it's a work day for me.

Time to practice breathing and maybe get out to the gym at lunch.

Getting Started

I'm 5'10 and this morning after exercising at the gym, weighed 232.8 pounds. I'm fat with a stomach.

I don't feel fat and, sometimes, I don't feel anxious but I am. I hide anxiety pretty well but the fact of te matter is I am someone who is quite anxious most of the time but looks and sounds calm most of the time by faking it.

Yesterday, I was standing in a bookstore staring at books I wan't interested in and realized that it wasn't hunger that was causing me to eat but anxiety, You see, I worry a lot about almost everything.

I worry about work and whether an employer is going to hire someone.

I worry about bills.

I worry if I am going to piss someone off.

I often scan situations looking for how a problem might creep up and bite me or the group in the butt.

I just think a lot and worry and then I want to eat. I want to eat to calm me down, the lead of the food providing me with soothing that makes it possible to distract me enough to not feel as bad for so long.

Last night at the bookstore, I decided I want to change and do things differently.

I woke up this morning a little before 6 AM and went to my computer and did a little work and, once I heard my wife's footsteps upstairs went up to have some tea.

We went to the gym and then to the farmer's market at UNC Asheville.

I skipped having the gluten free cake at the market and waited to get home and have breakfast . . . steel cut oats. A good start to the day. I felt good.

My wife went out to pick up a rug she previously ordered for our son's room and while she was out, he set up a beginner website at web.com to show his tessellations and maybe sell them. I saw that he put our phone number on the website and rather than tell him that no one would buy them and hurt his feelings, I got a Google Voice number for him pointed to our home number. This way, we could always block a crazy person from calling him.

When she got home, she was upset. Who's going to all him (No one. They have to find it to call him and no one will find this for a long time). The what felt like her anxiety triggered my anxiety and the first twinge of the day in my body was set off.

The stress started building in my chest and, noticing it was 12:15 PM, I decided I would have some lunch. I ate a package of Halal chicken nuggets, read some news stories on my iPhone and tried to slow myself down.

I went from a 7 on the stress meter to a "5." A good start and I didn't eat more than lunch--good start! Normally, I would have eaten more but I didn't.

After lunch, I puppy dogged with my son while he did vision therapy in order to make sure he did it and then went to the store where I bought a few things. When I came back, the dreaded credit card bill was waiting-- $5400! I hit a "10" but still decided not to eat more. I withdrew and went to my computer to blog and try to calm down before we all went to Tae Kwon Do testing.

I have taken punches in the gut today and not eaten unnecessarily. I'll probably have some grapes or some yogurt before we go and log them into my new food log app on my iPhone. I'm at a "5" or "6" as my son comes to see my to hustle me along.

I don't want to be rushed today; if anything, I get more anxious the more I rush. Besides, I will be sitting in a chair for three hours today during testing.