Anxious

I am anxious, not hungry.

I came upstairs to snack on something but I am going to have tea instead.

It Sneaks Up

I felt good this morning having had a good run at the gym and returned to weigh my lowest so far since starting to lose weight with Livestrong.

A little later, my wife returned upset because she lost a filling and needed a crown and was upset to have to spend the money. We don't have dental insurance and it will be a $3000 bill. She found they offer a plan that will let us pay it off in 6 months interest free. I like that because I don't want to pay interest . . .and they won't negotiate their fee.

And then I went upstairs to my friend the refrigerator and took out some left over yellow squash and ate the equivalent of two slices.

It snuck up on me and now I'm back at my desk working and not in the refrigerator.

I'm Sorry

O'm sorry.

I didn't blog yesterday. I have been busy working and living life and didn't make the time to write.

My running is getting stronger. Yesterday, I was on the treadmill at 5:30 as always at jogged 2.82 miles in 26 minutes.

Today, I did my first 5K (3.11 miles) in almost a year. Injuries were a big part of the struggle. Tight hamstrings, a fall where I hurt my hip and both shoulders slowed me down but I am back at 5K again.

My weight this morning was under 221. That's 13 pounds so far.

And that ends the nice report.

Right now, I'm feeling a bit anxious. I am waiting for several job offers for candidates I am representing that will help relieve some of the financial stress I am feeling. I have investments and some money in the bank but I hate touching things and just want to stay current with expenses, not incur debt and feel good about what I do professionally.

I'm close to these job offers and believe several will close successfully but I'm worried because some feel like they've stalled.

Breathe.

When that happens, I feel tight and start thinking about eating.

Next week is Thanksgiving. I ordered our turkey yesterday and it will be an overeating festival. Sunday and Monday, we're doing a family trip to Charlotte. Not long after is my birthday and then "the holidays" and our family vacation to Florida.

I know I will eat well over the next few weeks but don't want to go crazy. I've worked to take off this weight. I don't want to go nuts and give it all back.

Mad.

My son (not quite 12) spent yesterday with a friend doing yard work at the friend's home. Who knows what he ate there but by the time he woke here, he had eaten a pint of ice cream, 2 rice bars and a chocolate bar somewhere before 3 AM when he woke.

He got back to sleep at 9, woke at 2, hasn't done his homework yet, has been snippy with my wife, and then she started to micromanage me which I hate.

I made dinner for them (my wife teaches tonight) and have gotten the heck away from the two of them so they can sort things through.

The Giants are getting killed today (Thank goodness, I didn't watch the game) and it feels like a washout day.

So far, I took a 40 minute walk today at Biltmore Estate which bought me some more calories but I just want the two of them out of here and be left alone.

It's Sneaky How It Creeps Up on You!

We went to dinner late last night and although I ate within calories, I was up a fraction this morning.

I was at the gym when it opened at 8 AM, got a good run in and then the sneaky stuff started.

I had breakfast of a bagel and lox at around 9:45. Still felt hungry. Followed it with a small biscuit. Still feel hungry.

Started listening to a webinar while doing some work on one of my blogs, The Free Job Search Guide. The woman running the webinar is a high energy ex-Google person who is making a living by teaching others o do webinars. She's talking 50 mile a minute while I'm doing work on my blog. I'm listening with one ear and working on the blog when my son calls to tell me he's on his way to Tae Kwon Do with our neighbor.

I can feel the tension building up and I realize, "I have to turn off the webinar! I'm getting crazy!"

And that's what I did . . .turn off the webinar even though it promised to show me step by step how to do what she does.

Maybe I'll listen to it in 15 minute chunks but I can't listen to someone who is "speeding" like that and maintain my sanity.

So Close!

I am a snacker.

Well I also eat meals and snack, too.

I'm also a garbage pail eater, eating leftovers from my wife snd son's plates.

I just went upstairs and saw so leftover pasts in a bowl. As is often the case, I picked up the fork to eat some but stopped myself . . . Twice!

Then I emptied the dishwasher, watered a plant, and went downstairs without wasting calories on cold pasta I only wanted to eat because it was there and not because I was hungry; good for me!

Wound Up

It's 9:37 AM and although I did a good run at the gym, I'm feeling a bit wound up this morning. Anxious.

I'm less fat than I was when I started this and had a non-fat plain yogurt and granola for breakfast but I have been working pretty feverishly this morning.

It's the minutiae of my morning--lining up my posts on Hootsuite, accepting the select LinkedIn connection requests I do, getting caught up on my blog posts on some of my other blogs--running at a fast pace to get things done.

No hunger.

No nervous eating.

It feels like I have a lot to do and in the past I would take a break to snack.

Not this morning.

Can I Just Be Depressed?

I don't like the results of the election and I am just trying to keep my opinions to myself.

My wife tried to speak to me about it this morning and asked some goofy stuff that I answered . . .but she didn't like the answer/opinion I offered and I started to get mad at being "set up."

Fortunately, we exercise in different areas of the gym so we were able to connect again later.

Breakfast of tofu and a snack of a piece of French bread with a little butter.

The Election

A nervous night as I watch the election results come in. I think the President will keep his job and the economy hoes in the tank next year no matter who is elected.

Romney ran a terrible campaign and deserves to lose because of election malpractice.

And instead of doing what I have done in years past (eating a pint of ice cream and having Chinese food for dinner, my wife made tacos and I snacked on steamed kale.

I need to breathe deeply to avoid feeling the pressure.

Breathe.

Checking In

This morning at the gym, I ran for 3 miles in 28 minutes. My best distance and my best amount of time in quite a long time. My persistence with running after an injury is paying off as I start to get to my previous mileage levels again. Someone at the gym who is a long distance runner has noticed my length of time increase and commented to me about it; it felt good to tell running stories again.

I'm down almost 12 pounds from where I started by having flexibility with what I eat and using the LiveStrong app. I'm not always perfect but the results are terrific. I am at my lost weight in more than a year at 222.8 and it is coming off me easily.

Now that my office in New York has power again, my stress levels are up again. I have a few people that are close to being hired and I always worry about stuff like that. I'm also waiting on a check being deposited; last week when I would normally have gotten it, the office was closed because power was out because of the storm. Hopefully, it is deposited today.

Although I am doing sales, I am worried; I heard some scuttlebutt that the office isn't doing well. It wouldn;t be the first business in America to close in the past few years. It would just take a bunch of effort to start up a business again . . .I hope I don't have to do that. If it closes, I will have to sue to get paid and who the hell wants to do that!

And then there is the election!

I'll go into that later.

Argo

Ate some popcorn and went to see Argo with the family. It was suspenseful even though I knew what happened from having lived during the Iranian hostage crisis.

No gym today so it's a day where I'm eating less today. Lunch was a frozen food thing with 230 calories.

I hope the Giants game is the 4:30 game today!

A Good Start. A Bad Start.

I woke this morning with my left ankle feeling a  little tender. I dressed for the gym and rotated it 10 times in each direction and did the same with my other ankle. They are both tender in the mornings when I wake but I still try getting to the gym. I figure at least I will walk for a half hour instead of run.

But when I got there, despite being hobbled a bit, as soon as I got on the treadmill and started running, it loosened up. I start at 6 miles per hour. At the 3:30 mark I sprint for 30 seconds at .8 (8 tenths) faster and then I reduce the speed by .7 (7 tenths). I repeat this every 4 minutes. It teaches my body to run faster and helps me loosen up. The last minute is a 1 minute sprint at 8 tenths of a mile faster than my last speed.

I did 25 minutes today and then walked for five; I stretched afterward and then did a few of the machines.

That was the good.

I weighed myself and since starting 3 less than 3 weeks ago, I down almost 10 pounds (9.8 to be exact)

The bad happened not too long after we got back from the gym when my wife's bridge fell out while using a Waterpik. It is something she has feared for so long and now it happened. She is at the dentist hoping they can reattach it until she sees a specialist Monday (Just got a call from her and it has been re-attached).

I care about her so much and it was so sad when she walked out saying that it had come out. She handled it well and so did our son, getting dressed, having breakfast, brushing his teeth all without extended effort.

A Tough Day

My wife is going to need major dental work--something she has feared for as long as we've known one another.

We talked and we cried and we hugged and talked some more. I apologized to my don and we are getting re-acquainted with one another.

I didn't eat crazy but I didn't eat perfectly--100 calories over goal.

I don't want to give myself a pass and I will be perfect tomorrow.

I am hoping we have power in the office Monday so I can get back to work.

I'M MAD!!

My wife is having dental problems and needs to have a bridge worked on that seems to her to be loose. My son won't hear that today is not the day to look at riding his bike 8 miles to school and back. That's it's too much for her to deal with.

"Mom is saying that she is having a dental problem and doesn't want to deal with this now. You're being an idiot."

He puts his hands over his ears; she walks out in a huff."

I'm the bad guy . . .again.

I'm frustrated that everything with him is a negotiation and that he won't do anything we ask just because we ask him OR tell him to do it.

I want to just eat myself into oblivion today because I am mad and can tune out by eating.

I don't have access to my office because the storm has cut off power o my office in New York, I'm going to probably have to spend a few thousand dollars for dental work for her, my work is straight commission and had  few hires close to closing when the storm hit . . . now, I don't know if they will ever happen.

I just want things to go smoothly but they aren't and I want to cry.

I try so hard and am so frustrated . . . and that is often when I comfort myself with eating. But I weighted in at 225.2 this morning, down 8.8 pounds from when I started and I don't want to blow the effort I have put into losing weight because I am angry and hurt.